#What a combination i got going on rn
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Skullyosis
#marble hornets#Skully#Mh skully#Marble hornets Skully#Skully mh#The 🫶#I love them#Mh#Mh comic#Marble hornets comic#Making my return to mh. This time with uhh#Traffic life and sonic prime fixations too!!#What a combination i got going on rn#my art teehee
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me after attempting to get back into sims and realizing i had a lot more to do than play the game
#hi everyone#I’m going around hugging you all#okay now that we are gathered here today#i will simply acknowledge that i have been gone for a very long time and then also acknowledge that maybe it was for the best#i relied on sims to be my only creative activity even if i tried to write a book at the same time#and also. i prioritized sims over real life responsibilities. that’s just a deadly combination lol#but I recently noticed I just replaced sims with Netflix. with YouTube. with anything that gave me quick dopamine#literally became addicted in a sense. still am but I’ve been cut cold turkey from most everything#I get off work and go. okay I’ve done the dishes and the laundry……..I could read or write or bake….#I try to write and sometimes i get a good hour#then I read for a few hours and then get tired of it#and I made cookies Tuesday so I’m waiting for those to be gone before baking again#I’m just so pitiful that I feel BORED and don’t know what to do#so I said….. okay what if I do sims for an hour.#I downloaded some new cc Tuesday and tried to play yesterday#y’all ……………….. I can’t find the energy anymore to set up elaborate scenes and pose my sims and plan posts#I said wow… this is boring without my intervention and fake story#I said wow…….. all this for what? for tumblr? yes I created cool things and provided joy. but is that inherintly important compared to my#own joy? my own everyday activities I should be doing?#y’all I do not leave the house unless we got out to eat or shop or travel to our parents#.. I have little desire to. I’m trying to find that desire#but my husband is busy with grad school and work and I don’t want to do anything by myself#I’ve found myself in one heck of a slump#I didn’t want to be human for awhile. just had no desires no interests no ambitions#I was slacking off SO HARD at work. I just had no drive to do well#I’m still working on it. I’m still trying to get caught up. I’m still trying to force myself to move every day.#but I am struggling y’all. and I can tell you that sims… sims isn’t helping rn but I want it to so bad. I want to get back into it#I didn’t mean to disappear on everyone. I got married and then life got busy and then I fell into this hole of nothing#I didn’t even WANT to crawl my way out. but my husband has helped a lot. I feel like such a child!!!!#I reached max tags. 🙃 bye love you all. till next time
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sorry to log on n rant but i need to rant
#tbd.#ooc.#cw complaining#ignore the tags if u dont want to see how my life is going shdfhsf#so im doing my masters yeah#and im like. 75% thru#shouldve been done last month#but bc of the year ive had my uni adviser was rlly nice and sorted a way to extend my student status for another year#to get my dissertation done#like i did my 4 essays n now its just dissertation time#n i was supposed to start it now n get booked in with my mentor n stuff but i cant fucking log into the website#bc u need a MFA#and the MFA app my uni uses wont acknowledge me bc i have a different phone bc my phone broke#and a different number bc my phone contract got cut off#so idk what to do lol i cant log in and do anything#ive rang the IT desk for help 59w9er3424234 times#and everytime i get thru to the actual line n im taken off hold .. they hang up on me#idk if its a system error or my phone bc its a shit old one#but i cant do anything#and my universal credit claim got closed#non uk oomfs its a benefits system#n they help u with money to pay bills whether ur looking for work or unfit to work which is what my doctor said i am bc#my mental health and physical health combines to make me a super loser#n he thinks i might try to K word myself if i take too much on at once after eveerything#like i cant even sit and grieve my dad that died not even 6 months ago yet because i have to much shit to fucking do#like i cant afford to liven now#i cant pay my bills. they keep bouncing and coming back worse#i have debt collectors coming @ me#i am stuck in catch 22 man like not even my support workers can help me rn#and im very lucky that i own my own home bc of my car accident when i was 15 lol but everyone is just telling me to sell it
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I'm upset about the lack of choices and the likelihood that the solas romance is going to be pushed more but bringing up the new characters as something that could have been replaced by old ones is a pretty bad faith arguement imo. It's a new game, of course there's going to be new characters? The cameos were never the forefront or the cornerstone of my enjoyment. I mean if you hate the game and only play it in the hopes of getting scraps of your favorite characters from the previous games then ok but why torture yourself like this lol
i mean as long as they don't repeat the mistakes of inquisition and expect us to have read extra material to understand what's going on, i don't care about the new characters THAT much, i just think it's funny to act like they're actual cameos when most people don't know who they are. a charitable read would be that they're rewarding hardcore fans but likeeeee... they're trying to sell books lol
tbh cameos wouldn't be a dealbreaker for me normally, i can take them or leave them in da2 and obviously there are none in origins. but combined with everything else we know about the game i AM still on the fence about getting it... no worldstates means it's unlikely they'll bring up any of the plots i was interested in having resolved or explored further 😑 so it all comes down to the quality of the writing and plots they introduce, which is very hard to judge from the promo esp since apparently everything they're showing is from act 1
#ask#anonymous#veilguard spoilers#i mean not to sound like an origins bro but it's pretty devoid of anything that originally drew me to da#which is like. fine. it's been a decade. bg3 was also wildly different from the original games and not as well written but#i can look past it because it's fun and the characters are good. which is basically best case scenario for dav#my main interest rn is how reactive the game is bc they keep teasing it and that's a major draw for me. i like old games with a lot of#reactivity so if they have that level of branching narrative combined with modern design then ill be sold. that's something you#cant really advertise properly bc of spoilers tho so i'll see what people say when it comes out. my first choices matter#game was life is strange so i am NOT going to get got again.
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it is absolutely wild to me that the untimely passing of a pedophile and abuser causes more discourse in tumblr than an actual fucking genocide.
#yes i am talking about liam payne's death#is it regrettable? sure.#does it require ppl to post entire essays? mmmm. maybe not#look i'm not saying that people aren't allowed to grieve one ofntheir childhood idols#but like.#look at what they are grieving#and what they are not#the silence is LOUD#you don't believe me? bbygirl i got receipts#go to the palestine tag and look for lates and top posts#see how far down you have to scroll in latest to see any discussion after the donation posts (which are all under 10 notes btw)#now go to top and see the dates and the contents of the posts. notice anything?#see how it is BLATANTLY missing anything about the latest hospital bombing and that infamous video?#or the news about Israel invading a goddamn UNRWA BASE??#in layman's terms it invaded the united nations#now go to the liam payne tag (which rn is trending) and do the same#i rest my case.#you could argue that posts could be in a different tag like gaza. and you'd be wrong. it's the same result.#tumblr is probably the last social media on the internet where you can still somewhat control what shows up in your feed.#it's the only place where you can say 'forbidden' words with your whole chest and the website won't knock it down#as far as i'm concerned this website has more freedom of speech than insta tiktok and twitter combined.#and we're using it to... *checks notes* discuss the morality of a celebrity's death
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why do i keep thinking "i miss shu :(" when i open enstars almost every day and can read the stories at any time i want and there was a new valkyrie event literally a week ago. girl what am i missing?????
#its like a combination of that one post thats like ''got really sad about nobody visiting my grave anymore''#and just. ''i miss my wife tails. i miss her a lot. im going home''#ALSO not even mentioning the art i reblog every day of my life#like GIRL JUST LOOK AT YOUR PROFILE PICTURE 😭#I LITERALLY OWN A SHU NUI. IM HOLDING IT RN WHAT AM I MISSING#anyways. i swear im not obsessed with that freak (lying)#angel.txt#valkposting
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maybe nobody's played plvspw and maybe plvspw is insane and maybe it takes place in britain but it's still better than aa5 and 6 i'll die on this hill
#all respect and love to ppl who enjoy aa5/6 i do like parts of them myself but i've got some haterade in me rn#also plvspw paved the way for dgs so. a huge point in its favour <3#like yeah the endgame can drag and the twist is. Something. and some of the character writing can be wonky and the puzzles#are as a whole arguably weaker than that of the mainline pl games and it's basically just Fanservice: the game (ala pq) but also.#consider: maya and luke are besties <3 the graphics don't look eye-searingly ugly <3 for a crossover a really solid balance is struck <3#the main themes of the story aren't explored via incredibly stupid vehicles like ''the dark age of the law''#phoenix and maya's characterizations are like. good. sincerely i think they have the dynamic of All Time but in aa6 they felt. eh.#also while i'm here drinking haterade#i really do not like nahyuta he's just worse aa1 edgeworth bc he doesn't even go through like. an arc.#he just reveals he's Actually A Good Guy Lol and that's it ?#i like what simon and athena have going on but the basis for aa5 is too Much with the themes and ideas being bizarrely in my face while#simultaneously being weirdly vague like. ykwim (is also being weirdly vague and is therefore a hypocrite)#wait i'm gonna go back to being a lover for a sec bc. i really do like a lot of how layton elements and aa elements are combined in plvspw#like during investigations it's mostly layton-esque but there are subtle shifts towards a more aa-style at times like usually#the characters'll talk like in a layton game--facing each other with their sprites at an angle but#when multiple conversation topics become an option (aa-style) the character you're talking to will face the camera head on (aa-style)#idk i just think it's neat!!! it feels very thoughtful!#okay sorry for being mentally ill and having mental issues. i love you.#contra.txt
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this is so true 😩 absolutely 0 survival skills
"if we make america worse and more of a dictatorship that will be even harder to unravel and make it the way we want the country to be, maybe then everyone will join our Glorious Revolution!" bb girl you cant even be in the same room with someone who thinks you should vote, how in tf do you think you're gonna unite people to fight in The Revolution with you? it's gonna be you and your 5 friends, i hate to break it to you.
#do you know how to make a fire?#do you know how to survive outside for a long period of time w/o bug spray?#do you know how to cook food over a campfire?#do you know how to forage and what to forage for?#do you know how to hunt at all?#would you know the correct combination of herbs n such to make soap to bathe yourself?#do you even know how to find water?#do you know how to find where you are w/o a compass?#do you know how to listen to the movement of animals and take hints from them about whats going on in the world?#would you tolerate being stinky for long periods of time and likely wear the same 3 pairs of clothes if that?#do you know how to survive w/o your little luxuries and essentials like lotion n shit?#what about your prescriptions? how will you get them filled?#i mean we're running away from the far right rn we're sure as fuck not staying in our houses#do you know how to drive????????? i don't either#do you know how to ride a horse?#do you know how to use a gun or any other type of weapon quite frankly?#do you know how to disappear w/o a trace?#do you know how to find/build shelter w/o a tent?#do you know how to survive w/o toilet paper ?!!??!?#what if you get injured- do you know how to heal your wounds w/o a first aid kit?#do you know how to navigate w/o your phone?#do you know how to clean river water to make it drinkable?#do you have ANY bare minimum wilderness survival skills? wb how to fight? any self defense?#we're gonna hafta become nomadic i mean they got cops on their side yall#my guess is majority of leftists larping about a revolution in AMERICA... dont even have a quarter of the skills ive listed.#its a militarized government.#guys i think you're woefully unprepared#DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW TO IDENTIFY POISONOUS/TOXIC PLANTS?????????? *BESIDES* POISON IVY???#how will you acquire food? even if you made like a prepper and stockpiled everything it still wouldnt last forever#and lets be honest you likely dont have the money to invest in that kinda stockpiling anyways
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#just cried in front of my boss yay#i mostly cry when im frustrated or angry and the work that i do rn is doing just that#and i got scolded bc i forgot a meeting (wasnt the only one who forgot tho) on monday so i was even more frustrated#and ive slept 4 hours tops and i am exhausted#and of course bc im so mad and bc the weather is funny today i have a headache#so yeah all that combined and i just... started crying#and im so embarassed and that didnt help bc that frustrated me too#perfect. just perfect.#and my boss is a small town boy who doesnt even understand how dyslexia can make spotting spelling errors difficult#so he absolutely thinks its pathetic and whiny of me to cry no metter how much i explain it#and i get the feeling that he isnt happy with my work anyway#and bc im so offkilter today i initially tried to explain my current difficulties with my task honestly and looking back what was i thinking#i just exposed myself to more 'they are just lazy and/or incompetent' from him#i am. so done. srsly i just wanna go home and cry more bc now i feel so helpless that i cant even get productive through being mad any more
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there is definitely a disconnect somewhere between my brain and my communication of language
#frankie yells#like in reading out loud i can usually clearly read the words but i struggle a bit to get the correct words out#in speaking i know clearly what i am going to say but i struggle to get the correct words out. esp w/ numbers.#speaking i also sometimes get too excited for an upcoming word or sound and it jumps ahead and gets mashed into the word im saying rn#that also happens sometimes w/ writing#but like yeah sometimes completely incomprehensible words come out of my mouth and i have to repeat myself a few times before i get the#words out right. correctly.#english doesn't feel like my first language sometimes. i feel like there's got to be some language out there which i can better articulate#myself in#idk maybe it's the adhd maybe it's the indigeneity maybe it's something else (hah) but i feel a bit alien to this language sometimes#also. also. my ability to spell has gotten so much worse or maybe im just hearing more words im not familiar with w/o seeing them. but man.#sometimes i look at words and go 'is that really how it's spelled?' bc it all just looks weird and foreign to me#i feel a little alien sometimes#which might be the autism but it might also be a large combination of things as i am living in a society that was not built for ppl like me
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bro did boeing design this spaceship why is EVERYTHING broken??? fanart OFFICIAL COVER ART for time to orbit: unknown by @derinthescarletpescatarian
god the attention to detail and creativity put into the futuristic technology is astounding. my favourite detail is how the ship creates artificial gravity through centrifugal force. (get inside the Giant Washing Machine future space colonists! it's perfectly safe and very functional!) design notes:
I'm only on chapter 6 rn but this is what aspen looks like in my head.
the vibe im going for is borderline cosmic horror. aspen greaves' face opens up to reveal Spaceship Guts inside. i decided to combine aspen with the s.s. courageous to make them one organism (Courageous-Aspen) to symbolise how the colonists' survival are totally dependant on their malfunctioning ship. it's also a cool way to show the weight of loneliness and responsibility weighing on aspen e.g. the ship is constantly on their mind, even as they're barely holding themself together.
mini!aspen is on a spacewalk looking at big!aspen. something something, existential angst about realising how vulnerable and insignificant you are in the vast uncaring void of space.
Wips:
not a lot of revisions between draft and lineart. my only big change was making the aspen's eyelines match up, so they are looking at themselves. oh fun fact! the plain black background was actually a merging error, i originally had stars but the layers got deleted and i ended up keeping it like that because it looks SO cool and bleak.
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Between Me and You .ᐟ
❤︎ | While your other friends are enjoying themselves on your little camping trip, you and Kaiser were secretly fucking around (3k wc) ╰ feat. michael kaiser (bllk) x afab! reader
kinktober entry no. 6 | kinktober masterlist
tags - exhibitionism, car fun, fingering, hand jobs, kaiser is a bit desperate, camping trip, p in v, breeding, p*rn with plot, profanity, kaiser and reader banter a bit, friends/enemies-ish to lovers
minors do not interact
"Can you stop fucking moving for a second?"
A tone of annoyance filled his voice as he gripped your waist, effectively keeping you in place.
You two found yourselves in a rather interesting position—at the back of your friend's car with nothing else but the equipment you guys brought for the camping trip. You and Kaiser just pulled the short end of the stick hence why the others were enjoying a little bit of space in the cramped car, while you two had none at all.
"Move one more time and I swear to God—"
"What? You'll get harder?" you tease.
Kaiser clicked his tongue. He was already regretting this trip. The first half of the journey was rather peaceful as he probably fell asleep. And maybe it was because he wasn't conscious to keep his "thing" in control—combined with the fact that you had been rubbing against him this entire time—but it wasn't surprising that he was slowly getting hard.
You thought it would be funny to mess with him; you two had that kind of odd relationship anyway. So you rolled your ass against him, pretending that the road was bumpier than it actually is... until he woke up and became aware of the situation.
"I'm not hard," he denies. But the stiff feeling poking at you from behind told you otherwise.
You simply grinded your hips against him again in response—earning a low groan from him.
"Ya alright back there, man?" one of your friends asks, looking in the rear view mirror.
Kaiser breathes in. "Yeah, one of the tent poles just kept poking me and it hurt."
"Something's poking me too," you add, but Kaiser quickly pinches the side of your waist to stop your mischief.
Your friend laughs, completely unaware of what you two were doing at the back of his car. "My bad. Y'all just try your best to get comfortable, a'ight? We got about another hour on the road."
A whole entire hour.
You could either torture yourself by dwelling on the fact that your position was uncomfortable or... you could have fun. But it seems like Kaiser had the same idea as he slowly lifted up the skirt of your sundress. Your eyes widened, fully knowing that the tides have now turned against you.
"Let's see if you like it," he whispers in your ear. His breath felt warm, contrasting the chilly air of the airconditioned vehicle.
The panties you wore today matched the color of your sundress, except he can't really see it with you sitting on his lap like that. Though it hardly mattered. It was coming off later anyway.
He swiped a finger along your core, noticing how damp it had gotten. Kaiser elicits a low chuckle, whispering in your ear again, "Look at how wet you got from grinding on me. Slut."
There was no comeback; how could you deny that? Especially as he presses his thumb on your clit, rubbing it slowly. You were about to moan and fall back against his chest, but his other hand stopped you.
"Hey, remember he can see us through the mirror, right? I'd suggest you behave unless you want them to see you whoring yourself out for me."
You swallowed back your wanton moans. The fact that he had his hand on your pussy so shamelessly was embarrassing enough; you didn't need for the others to find that out too.
But for as embarrassing as it is, you made no effort to swat his hand away. In fact, you let him go on. You let him rub your sensitive clit faster. And you let him hook a finger in the gusset, pulling the fabric out of the way.
He swiped his finger again and it had him snickering. Kaiser pressed a kiss on your shoulder blade as way to show his amusement. "Holy shit. You're dripping for me."
This time, it was you clicking your tongue at him. But again, you were at a loss for words. You were too focused on the way he played with your pussy and his dick that seemed to be getting even harder. It was impossible to ignore how it pressed against the flesh of your ass.
"What? Got nothing to say now? Where did all your attitude go—"
Turning to face him slightly, you pleaded. "Just take responsibility for it... please?"
You swore you felt his dick twitch through his sweats. Kaiser gulped down, not expecting for that kind of response. He wanted you to fight back—be your usual feisty self. What was he to do now?
"Say it again," he whispered lowly.
"Kaiser... please?" you obeyed.
He hated how easily he gave in as well. All he needed was your honeyed pleas and he was sold.
Kaiser clicked his tongue, knowingly facing a predicament. On one hand, he wanted to listen to his lust infested brain. But it was dangerous. He was about to finger fuck you in a car filled with your dearest friends after all.
His free hand held you by the arm. "Be quiet... or else."
You gulped. It was going to be a difficult task, but you'd rather keep your mouth shut than get no relief at all. He slowly slid one finger in as if to test the waters.
As he expected, it was warm and tight. It made his mind race with all sorts of lewd images. He silently cursed himself, knowing that he was in no position to give himself the same kind of relief.
Perhaps, seeing you enjoy yourself on his fingers would get him off... for now at least.
Though his mind was preoccupied on what could and couldn't be—he absentmindedly pushed in two fingers without warning. The way his thumb resumed to rubbing circles on your clit while he pistoned his fingers out of you felt too practiced—like he had done this thing plenty of times in the past.
He skillfully and precisely brought you to orgasm—all the while you were fighting for your life to keep your sounds at bay. Hell, you were sure that you were biting down on your lips hard enough to make it bleed.
Kaiser let you ride out your high, still pushing his fingers in and out… slowly. A breathy rasp leaves his lips as he throws his head back against the seat. To some extent, part of him felt liberated too.
A boundary was crossed—one that you two teetered on for what felt like months. His dick was aching, yes, but a different kind of warmth filled him.
Hope? He wanted to call it that, but it felt pathetic somehow. Kaiser felt a bit stupid—thinking too hard about something else while you’re right here, sitting on his lap all fucked out.
“Enjoyed yourself?” He whispered to you once more.
“Shut up, ass hat.”
He chuckles. “That’s what I get? After fing—“
“Shut the fuck up. I’m serious,” you sneer.
And he did; awkward silence enveloped the two of you as you sat uncomfortably—Kaiser still with his hard on and you with your ruined underwear. All you wanted at this point was to get out of the fucking car.
────────────
“Hey, so uh, where did Kaiser go?”
Your friends seemed to look in your direction, thinking that you of all people should know the whereabouts of the man whose lap you sat on for quite some time. However, you didn’t bother sparing them a glance as you continued to help set up camp.
“How would I know?”
Your friends looked amongst each other, slightly unconvinced by your cluelessness. But they shrugged it off—thankfully. Everyone resumed to their designated camp duties and not long after, Kaiser returned from his so-called bathroom break. Though you had a hunch on what that truly meant.
It was normal for the most part—everything went as you had envisioned it… except for the little fact that Kaiser would be avoiding you.
Here you thought that after your little stunt in the car, he’d be even more forward with you. But it seems to have an opposite effect. Every time your eyes would meet, he’d look away. You didn’t even dare talk to him because you knew he’d gloss over you.
But the fact of the matter was that—Michael Kaiser was too overwhelmed by the sudden shift in your relationship. He was trying his fucking best to keep himself in control. Otherwise, there may be consequences…
Consequences which you will soon know of.
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You think the world likes to play tricks on you because why do you have to sleep in the same tent as him when there were 2? And why oh why did you have to sleep beside him? There were 4 of you inside the tent—but still—you found yourself on the same inflatable mattress, under the same blanket. Because of course, the damn thing only fit for two people.
Your friends thought it was alright considering you two have already broken the barrier of physical touch; they just didn’t know how far that REALLY meant.
As best as you tried to sleep, you felt intense eyes boring into the back of your head. You silently cursed him for not following the unspoken rule of sleeping back to back. This was just impossible.
You turned around to face him, pulling more of the blanket towards you. Your eyes were met with his. “What’s wrong with you?”
“Me?”
“Yes, you. What the fuck’s going on with you?”
He stared blankly at you, lips pressed in a straight line. “Nothing.”
“Cut the bullshit. You’ve been avoiding me the entire time we were here after you… you…”
“After I made you cum in the car?”
The audacity of this man caused you to kick his shin. He had to bite back a pained groan to not wake up the others.
“Was that fucking necessary?” He asked. But his question was met with silence; he took it as a hard resounding yes.
A frustrated sigh spilled from his lips. "Fine. I was avoiding you because... I know I won't be able to control myself around you."
You raise your eyebrow in response, unsure of what he meant exactly. He couldn't help but pinch the bridge of his nose to express his exasperation.
"I was this close," he says while pinching his pointer and thumb together as if to show he was holding something miniscule between the pads of his fingers. "I was this close to fucking you in the car."
Your eyes widened in disbelief. This whole time you thought he had regretted his previous actions back in the car, but you had it totally backwards. It was your turn to sigh.
"You could've just told me," you countered.
"That I wanted to fuck?"
"Yeah."
...
"I wanna fuck then," he says so matter-of-factly. It was almost comical to you that it made you chuckle softly.
"What's so funny, assh—"
You cut him off by pulling him into a soft but passionate kiss. Your palm cupped his cheek and your fingers wove themselves into his silky blonde hair.
He was a good kisser—that much was to be expected. It didn't take long for him to reciprocate and then some, pulling your leg to drape over his hips.
Kaiser wanted—no, needed—you to be closer to him. He had to feel your heat, your presence, your everything.
It was almost animalistic how he tried to devour your lips. It was desperate—like a call for help. Now, you were a hundred percent sure about what he had been doing earlier when he left the group.
You pulled away, breathless. If not for the concept of breathing, you would have gone at it until morning. His bright blue eyes stared into yours.
Kaiser was eerily silent, but mostly because he didn't want to get caught doing something dirty with you in the tent. He let his actions speak for himself—his hand lowering to grope the flesh of your ass.
He squeezed it harshly and without restraint; he was way past that. But he decided that it wasn't enough.
He slowly cupped your pussy with his slender fingers. Surely, he was more excited than you were.
"We can't..." your voice trails off—partially due to disappointment, but mostly because he began rubbing your clit again.
"Why not?"
"What? Are you not aware of the two other people sleeping in here?"
"The fuck do we do then?"
But it would seem that he had no plans of letting you speak. Somehow, his fingers found their way in—past your cotton shorts and past the sorry excuse for panties that you wore.
He had been there earlier, so he wasted no time plunging his fingers as if they belonged there. The slight squelching sound made your stomach knot in fear; you could only hope that your friends were sleeping deeply enough.
"What do we do, pretty?" he asked again, though softer.
But his tone betrayed his actions. He stared at you like he wasn't doing anything dirty to you under that blanket.
"I... we... we can't"
Kaiser hummed. "We can't huh?" But he continues to bully his fingers into you and it made your head spin. Words had failed you at this point, so you held on to his arm—failing miserably at stopping him. But you both knew that you wouldn't want him to stop anyway.
The impending climax clouded your judgement. Part of you felt oddly fine if your friends did end up waking and catching you in the act.
The fear had morphed into forbidden excitement.
But it was too soon as he pulled his hand out, leaving you high and dry.
"You think you can get to cum again after being so selfish in the car?"
He tried his best to remain firm, but the muffled whines you let out slowly chipped at his resolve.
"Nuh uh. You gotta be fair," he argued.
At the very least, you were easy to talk to. You pushed him to lie on his back as you propped yourself up on your shoulder. Your palm caressed his body before sliding down to his aching cock. Finally free from its confines, Kaiser let out a strained sigh of relief.
The blanket was a useless barrier; it barely hid his hard length and the motions of your hand.
You chose to go at a painfully slow pace—it made his head spin. But it was so much better than using his own hand that he found it hard to complain at all.
"Fuckkkk," he drawled out.
His face of pleasure was mesmerizing—eyes glued shut with his jaw hanging loosely. It motivated you... somehow. Speeding up the pace, you eventually brought him to orgasm. His body flinched, but he tried to stop himself—not wanting to show how badly you affected him.
You kept his cock in your hand, amazed that it was still hard even after cumming once. "Shit... how are you still hard?"
"Been thinking about this shit all day... How can I not be?"
His honest words sent a jolt to your core. You thought it was impossible to get even wetter. But he managed to do the impossible.
"Fuck—just turn around, will you?"
He asked, but it sounded more like a command. Kaiser got on to his side once more and guided you to do the same so that your back was against his chest. His warm breath fanned the skin of your neck.
His heart was thumping so hard that you could feel it reverberate in your own body.
"Hold your leg up," he commanded again. And you obeyed like the good girl that you are for him.
Kaiser deftly pushed the fabric that was in his way, lining up his cock against your entrance. He pushed only the tip in, but that alone was tantalizing.
You could hear the way his breath hitched. His hand replaced yours as he held up your leg himself. His long fingers dug into the flesh of your thigh, keeping it high enough so he can fuck into you better.
Slowly, he rolled his hips—getting at least half of his length in. You almost let a moan slip out, but you were cautious enough to slap your hand over your mouth.
Checking to see if they're still asleep, Kaiser figured it was safe enough to sheath himself completely inside you. And he swore it was heaven.
Even he wanted to moan. But the prospect of being discovered and stopped abruptly prevented him from making any sound at all. He wanted this. He wanted it badly. Nothing's going to stop it now.
He languidly rolled his hips back and forth—fucking into you without another thought. His cock stretched you out in a way you've never felt before. But it was good... way too good.
It was a crime not to be a moaning mess right now. The slow and precise thrusts turned into frenzied fucking—like this was going to be the first and last time he'd be able to feel your pussy around his cock.
"Shit... this is way too good. I could get addicted," he whispered. "Gonna make me cum twice in one night."
Although you wanted to respond, it was impossible without moaning like a bitch in heat and getting you two caught. The best you could do was to clench around him.
Kaiser bit into your shoulder, suppressing his own grunts. You felt his grip on your thigh tighten substantially.
"Fuuuuck... can I cum inside? Can I?"
He shuddered. "Please? Shit... I won't last longer."
Your mind was swirling—not a single coherent thought could be formed other than a single word.
"Yes."
You whispered it—over and over again into the dead air. And as if on cue, his hips jerked up, fully shoving himself into your deepest parts and shooting hot ropes of cum.
He filled you up nicely—just as how he had been imagining in the car. Though, his daydreams paled in comparison to the real thing.
Again, he let you ride out your orgasm, not pulling out just yet.
"Hey... wanna see how many more rounds we can do before they wake up?"
©miyukisu do not repost/reupload/translate any of my works on other platforms
╰ author's note I cannot write exhibitionism that well
#blue lock#blue lock smut#michael kaiser#kaiser x reader#kaiser smut#kaiser x reader smut#blue lock x reader#bllk#bllk x reader#bllk smut#blue lock kaiser#michael kaiser smut#kinktober#kinktober 2024#mksu.works#mksu.ktober 24
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Hear me out, comforting Sevika.
She just lost the closest thing to her best friend, has to take over his responsibilities, and take over Jinx duties plus the addition of Isha. Poor baby is stressed.
Imagine this. After giving Jinx the guest bedroom, setting Isha up in the same room(I feel like she would want to sleep on the floor, she seems like that type of kid.) Gently coaxing Sevika into the bath, washing her hair with the expensive shampoo and conditioner that made her hair the texture she loved so much. Then settling with her in the bed, bringing out the protein infused Peanut MnMs(I feel like she would be a protein fiend.) and setting her favorite record on before cuddling until you both fall asleep.
Just a moment of peace among a war, I dunno I need to hug her rn,
oh yeah i love this soft shit like this
gonna combine this with two more asks (just to spoil the shit outta her hehe)
@lushh-s3vik4s: Can we hear about the stories when sevika was younger? Like the trouble she got into 🤭 like reader and sev just chilling on the couch and she starts telling reader about what she did as a child 🤭🤭
and @cewl-casper: PLEASE ANYTHING WITH EATING SEVIKA OUTTTTT. The new episodes got me feeling some type of way. I NEED TO BE BRUIED BETWEEN HER THIGHS
men and minors dni
isha eats four servings of dinner, then passes out on jinx's shoulder, snoring and drooling at the dinner table.
you chuckle, shaking your head at the pair. "seems like you've been jinxed, jinx." you say.
she huffs. "she won't leave me alone."
"'s the same thing silco said when he first took you in." sevika mumbles across the table.
jinx rolls her eyes, but you can see a tiny smile pulling at her lips.
you gently nudge her foot under the table, pulling her wandering eyes to you. "tell me the stories about sev as a kid." you request. sevika groans beside you, and jinx grins.
"you never told her?!" jinx asks, pointing at sevika with glee. sevika buries her face in her hands, and you chuckle, kissing her forehead.
"it's fuckin' embarrassing--"
"she'd go up to piltover dressed in this frilly, ruffly dress, find the biggest mansion she could, then she'd put on the waterworks, tears and snot all over. when someone would come outside to see what's wrong she'd say she was lost. 'course the suckers would take her in and call the enforcers-- but by the time they got off the horn she'd be gone-- and so would as much of their silver as she could carry." jinx giggles.
you grin, looking over at your wife. "how old were you?"
"i dunno. i started when i was five but i kept at it until i was like twelve." she says with a shrug. you laugh.
"she tried to teach me and vi how to do it when we were kids, but i could never get the crying right, and vi refused to wear the dress." jinx chuckles.
you smile, kissing sevika's cheek and stacking the plates on the table. "jinx, i want the two of you to stay here until shit up top blows over." you say. sevika huffs beside you, but she doesn't say anything to revoke the offer. jinx pouts, her pink eyes fluttering back and forth as she tries to think of a way to worm her way out of the request. "where the fuck else are you gonna go?" you ask. "half of zaun is looking to turn you in for some cash, and there's a fuckin' team of enforcers gassing the streets to find you. c'mon. take it as my thank you for fixing sevika's new arm."
finally, jinx relents with a gusty sigh. "fine. we'll stay." she says. sevika grunts and takes the plates to the kitchen. when she's gone from sight, jinx whispers. "thank you."
you smile and shoot the kid a wink, walking to the living room to make up the pull out couch for her and isha. you'll make them both bathe tomorrow-- tonight, they need sleep.
isha doesn't stir as jinx settles her under the covers, and before you can even turn the lights off for her, jinx is passed out beside isha, one of her arms curled around the girl.
you chuckle, pulling the blankets over jinx's shoulders before heading to the bathroom.
sevika stumbles in as you're drawing up a bath.
"get in." you gesture to the tub. sevika raises an eyebrow at you.
"you're awfully bossy tonight." she says, slowly working to strip her clothes. you chuckle, holding her hand as she steps into the tub, then gently helping her arrange her new arm so it doesn't get in the water.
sevika sighs, her eyes falling shut and her shoulder slumping as the steam and bubbles envelop her.
"who were you all fighting?" you ask, dragging a stool over to the tub.
sevika chuckles. "vi's an enforcer now. jinx wanted to kill 'er. didn't work."
you snort and shake your head, starting to lather up a washcloth. "poor jinx." you say. sevika quirks an eyebrow at you and you shrug. "lost silco and found out her sister joined the force that killed her own parents within the span of a week. same week she became a mother, too." you say.
sevika snorts a bit.
"isha's a cute kid, eh?" she asks. you chuckle.
"you're a sucker. 's so cute." you tease, leaning forward and kissing her head as you scrub her back.
sevika sighs, leaning into your touch. "you take such good care'a me." she whispers.
you chuckle. "'s sorta my job isn't it? 's why you gave me my ring?"
sevika's responding grin is dazzling, her flesh arm reaching out of the tub to grab your own, fondling the ring she'd given you so many years ago. "guess so, yeah." she whispers, kissing your hand.
you take your time washing her off, massaging her shoulders and scrubbing her scalp, waiting until she's sunk down so far under the water's surface that only her nose is sticking out before pulling the plug and helping her get up.
sevika's sleepy while you dry her off and herd her toward your bedroom, and she doesn't question it when you push her down into bed before dressing her up in her jammies.
it's only when you spread her legs and kneel down in front of her that she starts to catch on, a smirk forming on her lips. "we're doing the whole baby-making thing wrong. think we're supposed to fuck before the kid shows up." sevika jokes.
you snort, kissing up her thigh toward her cunt. sevika spreads her legs farther, sighing as she relaxes back on her elbows. "think you can stay quiet?" you ask, your breath puffing on her cunt. sevika nods down at you with stars in her eyes.
"yeah. i'll bite the pillow." she says, dragging your pillow down the bed to rest beside her.
you smirk, reaching up to pinch her chin and drag her down for a quick kiss, before pushing her down to lay on the bed and burying your face between her thick, powerful thighs.
sevika sighs, pulling the pillow up over her mouth as you start licking long stripes up her cunt, groaning at the taste of her.
there's nothing quite like taking sevika apart like this. she's so fucking strong, her thighs are so powerful-- she could crush you in an instant if she wanted to.
but she doesn't. instead, she lets herself melt into the mattress, giving herself over to you completely. it's a huge show of vulnerability and trust, and it turns you on immensely.
you suck her clit into your mouth and sevika squeaks, her thighs twitching in pleasure. you chuckle against her, sinking your nails into her hips to pull her closer to you. fuck, you could die happy right here, drowning between her legs as she muffles her groans into your pillow.
"you take such good care of everybody, sev." you pull away to whisper, kissing her cunt as you speak. "you gonna lemme take care of you now?" you ask. sevika nods, reaching down with her flesh arm to grab your hand. you chuckle, intertwining your fingers with hers. "fuck. i love you so fuckin' much baby. could die happy between your legs." you sigh before ducking back down and shoving your tongue inside her.
sevika's back arches off the bed, one of her legs hooking around your shoulder to pull you closer to her. you're sloppy and loud as you eat, sucking and slurping on her like she's a ripe peach. you pray to every god you know that jinx and isha are still sleeping, because with the way you're groaning and moaning into her cunt, you're certain you can be heard through your flimsy bedroom door.
sevika's whole body tenses up, her nails dig into the back of your hand, and she cums with a muffled "love you!"
you groan as you lick up her cum, happy to keep eating to your heart's content. sevika has different plans though, and she squeaks as she shoves your face away from her pussy.
you crawl up onto bed beside her, smiling at her as she tries to catch her breath. sevika blushes a little at the sight of you. "you're covered in my cum." she whispers.
"aren't i lucky?" you ask.
sevika snorts, then pulls you in for a kiss. "not as lucky as me." she says against your lips. you grin.
taglist!
@fyeahnix @lavendersgirl @half-of-a-gay @thesevi0lentdelights @sexysapphicshopowner
@kissyslut @chuucanchuucan @badbye666 @femme-historian @lia-winther
@sevikaspillowprincess @emiliabby @sevikasbeloved @hellorai
@glass-apothecary @macaroni676 @artinvain @k3n-dyll @sevsdollette
@ellieslob @xayn-xd @keikuahh @maneskinwh0re @raphaellearp
@iamastar @sevikitty @mascdom @nhaaauyen
@mirconreadzztuff22 @veoomvroom @lushh-s3vik4s @katyawooga @lesbodietcoke
@lavandasz
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The Construct of Loyalty
Pairing: Cassian x Rhys's Sister!Reader
Summary: After months of "disobedience" your father calls upon Cassian to be your personal guard. That leaves Cassian, a soldier in the Night Court army, your childhood friend, and a man deeply in love with you, to protect you from all fronts—including the arranged marriage you were born into.
Word count: 4.2k
Warnings: Angst, arranged marriage, panic attacks, dual pov ;)
a/n: This wasn't going to be so long initially but then whoops it developed its own life. Part two will be necessary I think ♡ For context and clarification, the reader grew up with the IC and everyone is around 50-70 rn. Rhys's other sister is alive still but not really important to the plot.
Main Masterlist ♡
~~
“What if we just—”
“No, y/n.”
“But, Cassian, this is ridiculous. I’ve been stuck in here for three days.”
“And you’ll be stuck a lot longer if you disobey your father again.”
“You don’t even like the guy! Why are you so intent on kissing his ass?”
Cassian bit the inside of his cheek and narrowed his eyes at the defeated posture you’d adopted. In truth, he didn’t like your father—hated him, actually. But Cassian knew the life you lived and what would come if you continued to act out against him. He knew things were becoming serious because Rhysand voiced his concerns over your circumstances when he was usually too protective to divulge anything, and he knew things were bad because the High Lord of the Night Court tasked him to watch over you.
Him, a bastard-born Illyrian who was nothing more than dirt on the bottom of his shoe.
But Cassian was dirt that you’d actually listen to.
According to Rhys, your father had appointed six high fae to be your personal guard over the past six months. All six had been sent away rather abruptly when they failed to rein you in. But “rein you in” was a ridiculous sentiment, as you called it. All you wanted to do was to get out of the room your father kept you cloistered in and actually experience a life.
You wanted to speak to people who weren’t your assigned propriety tutors or servants. You wanted to get out of the Moonstone Palace and be a person outside of the marital obligations your father placed on you. You wanted to shop in Verlaris with Mor and make Cassian take you flying and, above all, you wanted to understand your magic—to hone the combination of night and day that your father’s choice of mistress had carefully curated.
Because that union was the entire purpose of your birth, and the moment you turned 50 you were ripped from your family and hurled into the Moonstone Palace to live out your purpose.
You were to be the figurehead of the alliance between Night and Day and you were to fulfill that duty through marriage.
It didn’t matter that you were hardly seen as a person; you were a pawn, and as long as your father lived, you would continue to be used and maneuvered as the court saw fit.
Rhysand had been trying his hardest to keep you from marriage for as long as he could, but the more you acted against your father’s wishes, the closer you got to your fate.
You knew it was coming. You’d had far more freedom before you turned 50 but you’d still lived under your father’s thumb. Cassian always hated watching you get pulled from quiet nights in with your sister and would cast you sad looks when you were made to watch from the sidelines when everyone else was training. But that had always been your life, and there was never anything he could do about it.
Cassian clenched his jaw in abject frustration. “Y/n… don’t do this.”
You scoffed and harshly sat on your bed, the gauzy material of your dress splaying up before floating back down to rest on the blankets. Whatever hairstyle had been twisted upon your crown this morning was unraveling in a pretty mess around your face and Cassian itched to brush away the strands.
You’d always been so pretty.
He turned his fingers into his palm as you began to speak. “He wouldn’t even have to know. I wouldn’t leave your side once,” you mumbled. Your words felt more like a routine and less like an actual request. Because Cassian always said no when the other guards always gave in too easily.
Or you had simply slipped past them too easily.
“Look, Starfall is coming up. I’m sure your father would let you go out to be with everyone.”
You twisted your mouth in a way Cassian knew meant you were trying not to cry. You blinked up to look at the ceiling and nodded your head with your teeth embedded in your bottom lip, and Cassian’s heart was dangerously close to breaking.
When he’d gotten the station report—or rather, demand—to be your personal guard, Cassian had seen it as a good thing. He’d get a break from the grueling hours of being a soldier in the Night Court’s troops and he’d get to spend more time with you. He’d missed you terribly since you’d been sent to Hewn City.
But then he’d gotten to your room and spent three weeks telling you no and watching you go stir crazy and he was three seconds away from caving. It wasn’t surprising that the other appointed guards had failed so quickly—you were too lovely to deny, especially when you looked so sad.
Cassian breathed out a sigh and walked to your seat on the bed, his leathers groaning as he moved to crouch at your feet. You were still staring at the ceiling and Cassian was still aching to somehow fix all of this.
“Hey,” he prompted. When you only tightened your grip on the piles of luxurious blankets on your bed, Cassian took your chin between his finger and thumb and brought your gaze down to him. “There she is,” he smiled, but the hazy gleam in your eye felt like a punch to the gut.
“I hate this,” you whispered, all shaky and upset.
Cassian tsked. “I know, sweetheart.”
“I just want to go back home.”
“I know.”
“It’s so weird that you’re in charge of me.”
Cassian snorted. “I’m not in charge of you. I’m the one that has to follow you around.”
You narrowed your watery eyes. “If that were true you’d let me go back to Velaris. Or go anywhere other than this wretched place.”
“Well, in that way I guess I’m more protecting you than in charge of you. That’s what a guard does, sweetheart.”
“Protecting me,” you laughed, jaw clenching as Cassian kept it in his soft hold. “What would be so dangerous about going to Velaris, hm? Or… running away. Really, really far away.”
“Can’t run away, y/n. We’d all miss you too much,” Cassian teased, but the hint of panic in his eyes was unmistakable.
You raised an unamused brow. “Because you all see me so much now.”
Cassian offered you a bittersweet smile and gave your cheek a soft pat. “You know I’m not protecting you from the people out there. You know why I won’t let you leave.”
You looked resigned, but that reality was becoming more commonplace. You sighed and reached up to place your touch on Cassian’s knuckles. “I know, Cass,” you hummed. “I know.”
~~
You shifted in your seat for the countless time that evening, the stone throne at your back doing little for comfort. The heavy crown on your head was giving you a headache and your father kept yelling, exacerbating the pounding behind your eyes.
You were made to attend official court business more often, your father assimilating you into the role he birthed you for with more urgency as you rebelled. Cassian stood behind you with a stiff posture and murder in his eye, playing the role of a guard to perfection. And you knew, with all certainty, that if anyone looked at you wrong they would be on the floor.
That was one benefit of having a personal guard—even more so a guard that you grew up with.
“—not accept this insolence,” you heard your father bite out. He jutted his hand back to the shorter throne you sat upon. “And you bring it in front of my daughter. I won’t have this. Not in my court.”
You hid a flinch as the man before the dais was forced to the ground by a free-flowing darkness you could recognize anywhere.
Your father’s show of power.
The man screamed and pleaded and you couldn’t remember what had brought him to this, but you knew this was just a ploy by your father to assert his dominance over the court. You breathed through your nose as he continued to scream and plead, pressing your lips into a line and maintaining your mask of neutrality and boredom.
You were never made out for the life your father expected from you.
After the man was thoroughly incapacitated and groaning, your father let up and sent him away and you were left feeling sick to your stomach.
Almost done, you reminded yourself, and then you could rot in your room with nothing to occupy you but the dread of your upcoming fate. You could feel Cassian’s presence at your back and it was somewhat reassuring that he would be rotting along with you. Maybe he would even play cards with you today or you could pass the time begging him to help you with your magic.
He always denied with an apologetic expression and you knew, deep down, that he would never agree to anything. The back and forth was simply a way to get through the day.
The doors to the throne room burst open with a loud boom, startling you out of your roaming thoughts. You sat up in alarm when a small brigade of soldiers dressed in Day Court armor marched in, preceding a well-built, stoic-looking man with a grimace plastered on his face.
You whipped around to look at Cassian in an uncharacteristic act of impropriety. Cassian looked just as lost as you were, but he blinked away the concern and sent you a reassuring nod as if he had everything under control. You watched his ruby siphons flicker and his fists clench as he clasped them together by his thighs, but you turned around. You had to turn around because you were not supposed to consult a guard about matters of your court.
A quick glance at your father told you that he was surprised as well, but pleasantly. “Blaise,” your father greeted, clapping with the word. You hid another flinch. “I was not expecting you today.”
“Clearly,” Blaise snarked, stopping before the thrones at the head of the room. “Your full court is not even here. Where is your heir?”
Your father’s expression morphed into a glare. “Training,” he said. And then, “But that shouldn’t be what concerns you. Your bride is just beside me.”
The world slowed, your thoughts and the movements of those around you sticky and heavy. You thought you might have opened your mouth but the action was delayed and it was hard to find the path to your muscles. Your chest caved. The light in the room became dim.
Blaise smirked and trailed his gaze to your figure. He let his eyes rove from your feet up to your face, so unhurried, so lax. As if you were already something he owned and he could take all the time he wished. In a way, you guessed he could—it wasn’t as if you had anywhere else to be.
“Huh.” Blaise stuck his tongue against his cheek. “Come.”
You blinked as the man stuck his hand out and waved his fingers in three harsh motions, beckoning you to him as if you were a dog.
It felt like you’d been doused in ice water as onlookers watched you expectantly. Rhys had told you he was buying more time. Cassian had told you. Azriel sent shadows to your room and you took them as signs of something. But before you stood your betrothed and behind you stood Cassian and there was nothing to be done.
You looked over to your father.
“This is Blaise. He is a duke in Day. You shall be married. Go to him,” he commanded, nodding towards the stern brow in the center of the throne room.
“Father—”
“Go to him.”
You rose. Everything fell off its axis, a rush of lightheadedness making you lose your balance and lean back to grip the arm of the throne. A steady hand on your elbow grounded you. You didn’t even need to turn to know it was Cassian, but you did, anyway.
Hazel eyes bore back into yours, devastation and determination mingling in the hues. Something dropped in your stomach and something else made you tear your gaze away and stare at your fate head-on. Cassian’s fingers lingered. They pulled away when you fully righted yourself.
“Do you give me an ill bride, High Lord?” Blaise accused with a mean raise of his brow.
“Of course not. Do not insult me.” No further explanation.
You passed your tongue across your drying lips and took the steps down to meet Blaise, the man instantly snatching your hand and raising it above your head. He walked around you, inspecting you as if you were something to be appraised before buying, and nodded after completing the circle. Then, to set your stomach rolling, he swooped down and pressed his mouth to your ear. You heard a rushed step behind you, but the sound was drowned out by hot breath and whispers.
“You’ll do nicely, given that you’re house-trained. Virgin?”
You pushed back on his armored chest to gain some distance and Blaise cackled, knocking his head back in delight.
“A bit skittish, but that’s fine. You said she’ll be used to Day? Definitely not staying here.”
Your father hummed, taking a bored sip from his chalice. “She’s spent time in Day. Her mother hails from the court.”
The rest of the conversation was lost to buzzing.
~~
Cassian was wrought with panic.
He had already opened his mind and shared the information with Rhys, but Rhys was still honing his daemati abilities and Cassian had no idea if his brother even got the information.
He hid his panic behind a stone wall of neutrality and malice as he walked you back to your room, cataloging the way you took even steps and stared blankly at the walls in front of you. His facade was breaking down with each step you took; you seemed to be escaping into yourself and Cassian was becoming increasingly worried.
Part of not being able to practice and control your magic came the dangers of it overtaking you. No one was sure if you harnessed daemati powers like your father and brother, but if you did and weren’t aware, you could get stuck. Cassian had witnessed Rhys’s struggles with that when he was first learning to control his magic and emotions were high.
The moment your bedroom door clicked shut, Cassian’s hands were on your face.
“Y/n? Hey, look at me,” he urged, tucking his wings into his back because maybe the light from your windows would help somehow.
When you didn’t look, a faraway haze to your eyes, he shook you, rattling your head in desperation. You should be screaming, crying, begging him to let you leave after what you just discovered. And, instead, you were blank.
His next demands were stern. “Y/n, I can’t get Rhys here. You need to snap out of this. I don’t know how to help you.”
You breathed a little deeper, but no change.
“Fuck.” Cassian looked around the room, his head whipping back and forth as he searched for anything that could help. For Rhys, it was easier to develop skills to get him out of this state because he had been expecting it. For you, there was no prep, no warning.
Cassian turned back to you, his heart pounding out of his chest. If he couldn’t get you out of this before your father noticed—
He saw your eyes shift and something clicked.
You were staring intently at the red siphon gleaming on Cassian’s chest, blinking quicker the longer you stared.
“This helping?” Cassian murmured, yanking the siphon from his chest without care to hold it up to your eye level. “Okay, we’ll work with that.” You blinked even more with the tone of his voice and Cassian took that as motivation. “Keep working yourself out of this, sweetheart. You do this and I’ll teach you how to use a blade. Haven’t you been asking? Dumb question—you’ve been asking since we were twenty but—”
Cassian cut off his rambling when the first few tears fell down your cheeks. He watched each as they fell, wiping them away with his thumbs as he waited. And waited. And then you choked out a sob, and as much as he hated the sound, relief flooded through him at your state of consciousness.
“You—you said there was more time,” you stressed, stumbling over your tears. “Rhys… he told me there was more time.”
Cassian shook his head as he spoke. “I know. I know, sweetheart, but we’ll figure it out, okay? Me, Rhys, and Az. We can—”
“You can’t do anything,” you cried. Your breath was picking up. “No one has been able to do anything my entire life. Not my brother or you or even myself. I—Cassian, I was only born to do this. No one cares about anything else. You’re only here because my father willed you to be. Because it serves his agenda to have you guarding me.”
Cassian’s fingers buzzed as he wiped more and more tears from your face. He kept opening his mouth to say something, anything, but it didn’t matter. Nothing would make up for this.
“I—I can’t. I can’t be married to that man. Being locked in here was bad enough. Being coddled and prepped for my entire life was enough. I’m not a princess, Cassian. I’ve never wanted to… and now I…”
You were hyperventilating now, raucous inhales colliding with heavy, painful exhales. You dropped to your hands and knees and Cassian followed suit but with the sole purpose of propping you up and placing a steady hand on your stomach. You fought him, desperate to claw at the ground and escape the world, but Cassian wouldn’t have it.
“I need you to breathe,” Cassian requested, his words firm but soft. “I need you to focus on how I’m touching you and I need you to breathe into my hand.”
He’d done this before, it was familiar.
You used to get panic attacks anytime your father forced you to stay at the Palace for a weekend to view one of the many horrors at the Court of Nightmares. Rhys helped, but it was Cassian who noticed the tells—the uneven breaths, the panic in your gaze. It was Cassian who felt pain himself each time your throat closed.
You shook your head at Cassian’s demand, clawing at your chest.
“Yes, y/n. Try. For me, please.”
He could tell you were trying, even as you continued to shake your head until that ridiculous crown toppled onto the floor. You tugged at the shimmering black material on your chest and never broke eye contact with Cassian and you tried.
Slowly, eventually, Cassian saw your chest stutter and your breath begin to even out.
“That’s it,” he praised, rubbing his thumb along the boning of your dress. Your lashes fluttered until your eyes closed. “That’s it, baby,” he muttered, the endearment slipping past and getting lost in the air.
You reached down and gripped Cassian’s wrist. “I’m okay now. I think I’m okay.”
“You sure?”
You nodded. “I mean, I’m not okay. But I can breathe and think.”
“Those are accomplishments I guess.”
“I don’t think this is part of your job description,” you joked, the small laugh that followed half-hearted and weak.
Cassian smiled. “Did the other guards do it?”
“I can’t say they did.”
Cassian readjusted his position on the floor and shifted you to no longer sit on your knees. He brushed your hair back and fixed the neckline of your dress.
“You scared me,” he admitted, still focused on adjusting the mess you’d made of yourself.
“I’ve had panic attacks before.”
“No, not that. You got stuck, I think. Like how Rhys would when he was first learning to use his daemati abilities.”
“Don’t tell my father.” The words were so quick from your mouth that Cassian shot up to look at you. “Don’t. I already have a difficult time with the court abilities and I don’t need him to—”
“Y/n, I would never tell him,” Cassian interrupted, a furrow in his brow. “Why would you ever think I would do that to you.”
You cast your gaze down. “Well, I don’t know. You’re in his employ—you have to report to him and be loyal. The other guards—”
“I am not another guard.”
“Well, I obviously know that. But I just wasn’t sure where that part of you started and my friend ended.”
Cassian closed his eyes for a long, disappointed beat.
It was pretty obvious that Cassian was in love with you—at least, it was pretty obvious to himself as of three weeks ago. The moment he saw you again after months away, all pretty and sequestered away and so happy to see him you were glowing, he knew he was a goner. There had been hints of it when he was growing up, but seeing you again made it hit him full force.
Of course, you could never know, because as much as you said you weren’t and were adamantly against the title, you were a princess, and Cassian didn’t want to add more stress to the plethora of horrors in your life.
Still, the realization of his feelings only made your questioning tone hurt that much more.
“Y/n, look at me.” Eyes met in your bedroom. Cassian kept his hands in his lap and you had your fingers pressed to the ground. “My only goal is to keep you alive and happy. I frankly don’t give a shit about your father. Everything I do or have done has been to keep you safe. He isn’t safe, so I make sure to follow his orders because not doing so is dangerous for you. Rhys… Rhys has been keeping close tabs on the situation from the outside and informs me what I need to divulge or keep secret. Nothing has ever been done out of loyalty to your father.”
You released your bottom lip from your teeth and Cassian watched your shoulders sag in relief. He was about to say more, but then you launched yourself into his chest and his arms were wrapping around you without him willing them to. He had to stop the two of you from lying flat on the floor, jutting an arm out to stabilize the hug before bringing it back around to rest in your hair.
“I thought I'd lost you for a little while there,” you admitted, your face buried in Cassian’s shoulder.
Guilt ate at his heart. “I thought you said you understood why I was making you stay?”
“I did,” you mumbled. “Or, I thought I did. I knew you wanted to keep me safe, but I thought you also wanted to please my father.”
Cassian dragged you back from his chest, hands resting along your head and back. “I’m sorry it felt that way. I have only wanted to please your father for your benefit. I’m—we’re family, y/n—” and I love you, he wanted to add “—you’re my family.”
You stared back at Cassian, tears still fresh in your eyes and on your face. “Can we leave now?”
Another piece of Cassian crumbled, shattered. “We can’t. You can’t. Rhys is working on another way out of this but if you try to run right now you know your father will only come after you.”
“What about the human lands?” you rushed out, hands on Cassian’s chest and so close to his heart. “Or I could go off-continent. I could learn to glamour myself and try. Cassian, I could try.”
“Y/n, you just got lost in your own head and you have no idea what kind of powers you have beyond that. You have no fighting skills, no way to defend yourself. I know you’re capable, but you’ve had your every need catered since you were born. And your father would be after you. I don’t know if you’d survive.”
Cassian watched you deflate as he spoke. He brushed his hand up from your back to run a soft touch along your jaw. “And I would come with you—if you ran. But your brother has his head up his ass and he’s going to need help when he becomes High Lord.”
You smiled some—a sad, dejected smile.
“We’re gonna figure this out, sweetheart, just like I told you.” He leaned forward until your foreheads touched. “You’re not going anywhere I can’t go.”
“And what if none of you can do anything about it?” you whispered.
Cassian ignored the fear that threatened to cease him at the prospect. “Then I’m going to fight like hell until I can.”
#cassian x reader#cassian x you#cassian x y/n#cassian acotar#cassian fanfiction#cassian fic#acotar fanfiction#acotar#cassian lord of bloodshed#cassian angst
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went to rhe eye doctor and they dilated my eyes. that was yesterday at 3pm. its almost 2 am and the light still bothers me
#when we got home i couldn't even have a little bit of sun jn my rokm because it msde eveythin blurry so i put off homework and slept#im up finishing my homework right now because due dates dont change for one person and im still farsighted#if i lut my lsptop st the edge of my bed i csn read the words but ehen i out it in typing distance i csnt#on my phone rn because its slughtly better and o kinda nnow where the keybosrd keys are but its still a bit blurry#i googled jow long tje effects shouldve lasted and two different sjtes said 4-6hour when the other said 12-24hiurs#i guess thinking sbout what goes in insidenmy body stresses me out because thinkin abitj my pupils expanding is msking my hsnds numb#which combined with the eyedrop efrecy mskes it way harder to type even if i treid. so#l speaks#shut up l#the doctor said my eyes look perfect tho so im happy. j blinked in every pic when they acanned my eyes tho#pray for me because if i go to my msth clsss and we use laptops and i cant read vecause everythints bkurred idk whst oll so#idontnthink the effefts shouldve lasted this long as nd i tokm like a6 hour nap
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hii ml!!
can you write how dealer!matt and doll!reader met 😣🙏 ur headcanons are so cute btw<33
love at first high? || dealer!matt x doll!reader
sturniolo masterlist add yourself to the taglist
matt’s world was spinning. he couldn’t remember where he’d been, or who had gotten him into this mess—though it was probably his own fault. the bitter aftertaste of whatever he’d taken clung to his senses, blurring his edges and leaving him lying in some alley, slumped against a wall. he was fading in and out, barely conscious.
matt wasn't used to people caring, especially in his line of work. so when he looked up, half conscious, barely processing anything, and saw her, kneeling beside him, he knew it was going to change his life. after all it's not everyday, a pretty girl like her comes to help his barely conscious body.
she was gentle, too calm and softly brushing the hair off his forehead as she checked him over with genuine worry.
“hey,” a soft voice said, breaking through his haze. he blinked, vision blurry, until her pretty face came into his focus. she were crouching beside him, eyes wide with concern, a softness on her face that didn’t really belong in a place like this. “are you alright?”
matt squinted, trying to get his bearings, but it barely made any difference. he knew she shouldn’t be here—someone like her, with that gentle voice and pretty face and worried gaze, didn’t belong in his world. yet there she was, her hand brushing his arm like she cared, like he was something worth saving.
“you... an angel?” he slurred, his words barely coherent, a lazy grin breaking across his face despite himself.
she let out a small laugh, though it was tinged with worry. “not quite, darling” she murmured, brushing his stray hair away from his forehead with a careful touch. “wanna tell what got you into this position?"
the feeling of her hand, warm and soft against his skin, combined with her honey like voice jolted something in him awake. it was unusual, being cared for, especially when he was in such a state. most people he knew would’ve passed by without a second glance. but not her apparently. she held his hand, grounding him as his mind swam in and out.
"matt?"
there was something about the way she said his name that had his head spinning. she was grounding him as he struggled to keep his eyes open, which filled him with a warmth he hadn’t felt in years. in this daze, he barely recognized the weight settling over him.
"i think i’m in love with you," he muttered, mostly to himself, but she caught it. and instead of laughing at him, she simply offered a soft smile, giving him the warmth he never knew he needed.
an; hii my loves!!! i'm on a train rn so enjoy this cutie piece i wrote please ignore the mistakes i love dealer!matt x doll!reader sm:(
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